![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Mountain Goats and Sex Frogs
Oct. 2nd, 2006 01:36 pmWHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN......
A goldfish and a mountain goat ?
One mucks around in fountains.
A magician's wand and a policeman's baton ?
One is used for cunning stunts.
A cross eyed archer and a constipated owl ?
One shoots but can't hit.
A Swiss admiral and a reliable vacuum cleaner ?
One sucks and sucks and never fails.
Caucus and cactus ?
One has the pricks on the outside.
A girl in church and a girl in the bath ?
One has a soul full of hope.
A war horse and a draught horse ?
One darts into the fray.
Your girlfriend and your bank account ?
Nothing... You lose interest on withdrawal.
A good girl and a nice girl ?
A good girl has the bloom of youth in her cheeks but
the nice girl has the cheek of youth in her bloomers.
Could I interest you??
A young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet.
As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.
The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete
instructions."
The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her.
She
whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the
instructions." The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her
way
home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the
instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is
specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the
frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise
nothing happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this
point.
She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper
it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet
store."
So, the blonde calls the pet store.
The man says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything
according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly
into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you
how to do this one more time ....."
A goldfish and a mountain goat ?
One mucks around in fountains.
A magician's wand and a policeman's baton ?
One is used for cunning stunts.
A cross eyed archer and a constipated owl ?
One shoots but can't hit.
A Swiss admiral and a reliable vacuum cleaner ?
One sucks and sucks and never fails.
Caucus and cactus ?
One has the pricks on the outside.
A girl in church and a girl in the bath ?
One has a soul full of hope.
A war horse and a draught horse ?
One darts into the fray.
Your girlfriend and your bank account ?
Nothing... You lose interest on withdrawal.
A good girl and a nice girl ?
A good girl has the bloom of youth in her cheeks but
the nice girl has the cheek of youth in her bloomers.
Could I interest you??
A young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet.
As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.
The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete
instructions."
The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her.
She
whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the
instructions." The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her
way
home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the
instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is
specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the
frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise
nothing happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this
point.
She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper
it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet
store."
So, the blonde calls the pet store.
The man says, "I'll be right over."
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything
according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly
into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you
how to do this one more time ....."
