FESTIVAL OF THE SEA 2006 SCHEDULE (Sat, 9/9)

FESTIVAL OF THE SEA 2006 SCHEDULE

The San Franicsco Maritime National Historic Park will be holding its
2006 Festival of the Sea at the Hyde Street Pier in San Francisco on
Saturday, September 9. Admission is free, though a $5 donation is
suggested.

There will also be a Chantey Sing that evening, 8PM-midnight, aboard
the historic vessel Balclutha at Hyde Street Pier, celebrating the
25th anniversary of the Chantey Sings here. The chantey sing is
free, but reservations are required: call 415-561-7171 or email
peter_kasin@nps.gov. No reservations are needed for the daytime
activities.

The Hyde Street Pier is located at the North end of Hyde Street near
Aquatic Park in San Francisco. For more information see
http://www.nps.gov/safr/festivalofthesea.htm


FESTIVAL OF THE SEA 2006 SCHEDULE
Saturday, September 9, 10am-5pm


MID-PIER STAGE
12:00 The Chantey Sing Rangers
1:00 "Seawolf - The Life of Jack London" by Live Oakes Theatre
2:00 Dogwatch Nautical Band
3:00 Holdstock and Macleod
4:00 Finale, All Hands


FOREPIER CHILDREN'S STAGE
10:30 Don Clark and Michele Delattre
11:00 Robert Rodriquez, storyteller
11:30 Sons of the Buccaneers
12:00 Nathalie Reginster
12:30 Skip Henderson and the Starboard Watch
1:00 Salty Walt
1:30 Robert Rodriquez, storyteller
2:00 Kasin and Adrianowicz
3:00 Revell Carr
3:30 Malcolm Rigby & Riggy Rackin


ABOARD BALCLUTHA
Living History Demos:
10:15 Pumps
10:30 Capstan
11:00 Staysail Raise

8:00 25th Anniversary Chantey Sing


ABOARD EUREKA
10:00-4:00 Kid's Maritime Crafts
3:00 "Jack London: An Eyewitness to the Great Quake" by Live Oakes
Theatre
Ongoing: Maritime Used Book Sale


HYDE STREET PIER
Gold Panning for Kids
Rigging Demonstration
Rope Making
Roving Chanteyman Bruce Sherman


VISITOR CENTER
1:00 Coulter Art Exhibit Tour
12:00 Historic Photography Demonstration
1:00 Coulter Art Exhibit Tour
2:00 Historic Photography Demonstration


JEFFERSON STREET
Boat Building Challenge & Race
Blacksmith Demonstration


HYDE STREET HARBOR (just east of Hyde Street Pier)
U.S. Coast Guard and local law-enforcement open vessels
Traditional small craft display



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A Prayer...

Offertory Prayer:

A visiting minister during the offertory prayer:

" Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his
upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little
girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked
quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,

"Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point...

SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.



After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.



The monsignor replied, “ When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip.”



So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.



He proceeded to talk up a storm.



Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh!t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t
say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this
and
eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “ Eat me” .

12)The Virgin Mary is not called “ Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter’s not
a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

You Know You`re in the SCA When...

You Know You`re in the SCA When...



you overhear the 10-year-old at the next picnic table quoting Macbeth... accurately.

a sideless surcoat is the sexiest thing in your closet.

you heard two stories this evening that started "No sh*t, there I was..."

you provision all the props and costumes for a school production of a medieval play from your closet.

you yell "Huzzah" at mundane events instead of cheering "normally".

there's an anvil in your bedroom.

after viewing this list, your non-scadian significant other chuckles for days, while you mutter to yourself "I don't see what's so funny about that."

The words "couldst", "wouldst", and "shouldst" come more easily to your toungue than "chicken".

The "Books on Tape" in your car include: Cooking for 500 or more, Autocratting Pennsic, and Beginning Welsh.

you have MADE a Book On Tape with a similar title.

you have period garments for a black-tie event, but no mundane ones.

bad heraldry and/or costuming has ruined an otherwise decent movie for you.

a truly bad anachronism has ruined an otherwise good romance novel for you.

you consider wearing 3 different tartans at once to be high fashion.

everyone at your graduation wants to know where you learned to bow.

you've brushed your teeth with beer, because it was easier to find than clean water.

someone has threatened to get "Prehistoric on your ass",

after a party you ask yourself "Hm. Now where are my clothes?" and you're stone sober and fully dressed.

the axe you're using to chop wood was one you made yourself.

you have two different .signature files, which have no words in common except the email address.
someone asks you where you got your chainmail hauberk, and you reply, "In 200 foot rolls at Home Depot."

you know every line in Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail by heart.

you're a burly guy who looks like a Hell's Angel, but you do embroidery in public.

at a formal dinner party, you politely grab your sleeve to keep it from dropping in the food, only to
realize you're wearing a suit.

during a conversation, you avoid using the other person's name, not because you don't know it, but
because you can't pronounce it.

you can eat equally well with a dagger or a fork.

you've decorated a cake in celtic knotwork.

you return to work after a weekend event, only to find you left all your money in your belt pouch.

you sometimes wear your jackets closed only by the top button and without putting your arms through the sleeves.

you're watching what's been billed as the most romantic scene in any movie ever, and all you can
think is: What kind of armor is he wearing?

you can and do curse in Gaelic, but you aren't Scottish

your teddy bear has better garb than you do.

your garb closet is bigger than your clothes closet and the clothes are in better condition.

you watch the old replay of the Crowning of the English Queen Elisabeth II and you recognize peoples
ranks by the Coronets they are wearing.

while watching the crowning of Queen Elisabeth II, you all of a sudden tell your lady, "We could use that stuff at Our Coronation".

you visit a period castle, notice the draperies and bedspreads, and think of what lovely clothing they
would make.

you visit a period castle, museum, historical site, etc. and you can spot the mistakes in the tour guide's
lecture.

you get a question about OOP programming techniques on a Comp Sci exam and think: "ALL programming is Out Of Period".

[you're male and] your girlfriend, not you, is the bored one being dragged from fabric/clothing store to
fabric/clothing store.

[you're male and] you have to worry about a run in your stocking when you kneel to propose to your
fiance.

the lady at the fabric store asks your girlfriend if she needs help and she points at you saying, "He's the
one looking for material".

you get a Christmas card in the mail and you look at the shepherds and background figures with a magnifying glass to see the costuming details.

you sneer at "the Burger King" saying "He's wearing a ducal coronet".

your kid gets a cardboard punch out castle and you take it away from him and put it together yourself,
point out the flaws in the architecture, and based on your assessment of the flaws in the architecture,
figure out how you and your household could, hypothetically capture it if it was a real castle.

your kid gets a bunch of plastic knights you swipe them to outline your tactical ideas for the next
war/fighter practice with your friends.

you hide the really awful costume references in the stacks at the library, so future costumers won't be
led astray. Or, you write criticisms in the margins of said awful costume references.

you "reality check" wargames and role-playing games by saying "That's wrong! I know that Duke Swaetsox can do X... (where X = some combat-related feat), I've seen people do that in the SCA!"

you watch Henry V (or the Zefferelli Romeo and Juliet) over, and over, and over, again - for the
costumes/fighting scenes.

your immediate family consists of only two rather small, thin people, but you justify your purchase of a full-sized van/pickup truck saying "We'll need the extra space for events!"

your reaction when you see some sort of handicraft is "I can make that" or "I can buy that from Mistress Seamchecker for half that!"

you're annoyed because the armor at the art museum isn't displayed so that you can get a good photograph of the back/insides.

you're in Europe you pass up famous OOP sites to see tiny little places that might have related to your
persona.

while you do aerobics, you do galliards in time to the music.

you make a new recipe you take out the potatoes, tomatoes and peppers, because they're OOP for Europe.
you choose your language courses in college based on what your persona would have spoken. (...Man! I'm really bummed out that they aren't teaching Anglo-Saxon this semester...)

your reference section on your field of interest is better than the equivalent section in the local
library.

you've been asked by a museum curator what your opinion is regarding the item at hand.

you slip and begin a letter "Good Milord..."

you slip and address a coworker as Milord or Milady.

you slip and date a letter "The Tuesday before Michealmas, A.S. XXVII" (or whatever).

you're annoyed because your new printer didn't come with Luxhaeiul miniscule or Batarde as one of the standard fonts.

people don't assume that you're going in for surgery when you say "This weekend, I'm going to get my knees fixed".

your idea of a sack lunch is mince-meat pie, cold mulled cider and wafers left over from the feast the
week-end before.

your hobby takes more of your time than your job.

you start to wear your hair the way your persona might have worn his/hers. (...Smith, it's not so much the waist length beard, but do you really have to braid it?...)

you sign a check, using calligraphy.

you name your pets after obscure historical figures.

you name your children after obscure historical figures.

people think your in a commune because you're always talking about your "household".

people think you have a roommate because your answering machine says "Neither Fred or Froddi are in right now..."

people assume that you're an exchange student/recent immigrant because they hear people calling you by the most outlandish names.

you have to remind yourself not to call that tourist in the checkered golf pants "Sir" just because he's
wearing a white belt.

you see a college diploma on a friend's wall and the first thing you ask is "Who did the calligraphy?"
you read a book that involves the plague and can diagnose which of the two or three types of plague it
is from the symptoms.

VALENTINE CARDS THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT!!

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk but the thing I like
best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class especially when I'm
spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm fulfilled. .
.
SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty."

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Words to Live By ;-)

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner
sociopath.



2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels
of suspicion and paranoia.



3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that
are
someone else's fault.



4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I
want to stay employed.



5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.



6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over
others.



7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.



8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no
personality at all.



9. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.



10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious,
self-righteous people around me.



11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and
complain.



12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward
me
in many ways to keep me quiet.



13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a
lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.



14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to
do
nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice
things.



15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.



16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.



17. I am at one with my duality.



18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.



19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with
imaginary fears.



20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.



21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and
local laws.



22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are
no
sweeter words than "I told you so!"



23. False hope is better than no hope at all.



24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.



25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my
underwear in the Hollywood Cafe. Instead, I will move my computer into
the bedroom.



26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute.. . . I'll
find someone.



27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it
worrying about the future?



28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the
conspiracy
is working.



29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as
sabotage.




30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the
next step of blaming my parents.



31. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like
I'm giving as much as I'm getting.



32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to
learn from them.



33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if
he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

Yeah I'm bored~ "The Ultimate List Of Excuses"

The Ultimate List Of Excuses


I'd love to but...

** I want to spend more time with my blender.

** The man on television told me to say tuned.

** It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.

** I'm building a pig from a kit.

** There's a disturbance in the Force.

** I'm attending the opening of my garage door.

** I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.

** It's too close to the turn of the century.

** I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.

** I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.

** I promised to help a friend fold road maps.

** I'm trying to be less popular.

** I have to study for a blood test.

** I have to rotate my crops.


Excuses For Missing Work

** I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
boss, who fired me for not s showing up for work. Okay?

** I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have
that deadline to meet...

** I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

** Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I
help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for
calling.

** I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false
information.

** The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me
this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

** The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

** I prefer to remain an enigma.

** I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my
house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for
helicopter transportation.

** I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

** I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

** I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist
on paying my fair share.

** I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead.

** I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half
back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was
able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power
source
exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my
dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in
late,
or early.

** If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The
voices told me to clean all the guns today.

** My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must
track
her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her
eternal peace. One day should do it.

** I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

** Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

** When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

The word F*** in History :)

There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been
considered acceptable for use.

They are as follows:

11. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?"

-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the @#$% was that?"

-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945


9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"

-- Custer, 1877


8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."

-- Einstein, 1938


7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"

-- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"

-- Pythagoras, 126 BC


5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"

-- Michelangelo, 1566


4. "Where the @#$% are we?"

-- Amelia Earnhart, 1937


3. "Scattered @#$%ing! showers, my butt!"

-- Noah, 4314 BC


2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"

-- Bill Clinton, 1998


and a drum roll please............!


1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad."

-- Saddam Hussein, 2003