Twisted Fairy Tale

A (not so) Twisted Fairy Tale

Once upon a time,
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess,
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess's lap
and said: Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously
on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't f***ing think so.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD - ADULT VERSION

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD - ADULT VERSION

Once upon a time Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest
to her grandmother's house. She was carrying a basket full of wonderful
goodies for her and her grandmother to eat... she also had a big gun to
protect herself in the woods.

One day Little Red Riding Hood came upon a Fox. The fox looked at Little
Red and says "Little Red Riding hood, what are you doing walking in the
forest by yourself. You know if the wolf catches you he will rip your
clothes off and fondle your titties."

Little Red sighs and smiles at the fox and slowly opens her basket and
shows the fox her gun and says "No he won't, see I have a gun to protect
myself." She smiles and skips away from the fox to her grandmother's
house.

Little red gets deep within the forest when she comes upon a bear who
wanders up to her and smells the yummy food in the basket then thinks to
himself for a second and says, "What are you, stupid, Little Red? You
know if the Wolf catches you alone in the forest he's going to rip your
clothes off and fondle your titties."

Little Red shows the bear the big gun in her basket and smiles, "No he
won't I have a big gun in my basket ...." She pulls out the gun "See,
nothing can harm me." Little Red smiles and skips to grandmother's
house.

Little red finally makes it to grandmother's house...and knocks on the
door...no one answers so she goes right in. She walks to the bed, sees
the Wolf and screams as the Wolf yells, "Little Red Riding Hood, I am
going to rip your clothes off and fondle your titties!"

The wolf reaches out to her and Little Red smiles and pulls out her gun
and yells, "No you're not! You are going to EAT ME, JUST LIKE THE BOOKS
SAYS!"